My friends, they love my intelligence
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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