Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
