he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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