So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
