So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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