at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
