that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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