I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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