The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
