If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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