Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
