if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
