just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
