I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
