can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
