i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
