can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
