he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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