you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
