I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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