Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize