lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is my gift to your gina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
