so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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