Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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