There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
