You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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