Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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