i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize