he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
