He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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