I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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