I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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