I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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