covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
