Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
