there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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