just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
