if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
