Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
