oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
