Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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