Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
