I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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