My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
