dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize