had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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