If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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