when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
