I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
