Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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