I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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