She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
too bad you live with your parents still
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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