why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she pinky promised me she was 18
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
