hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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