you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
