Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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