she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
