so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
