is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
