His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
