oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my being single is dangerous.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
