24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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