and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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