I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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