i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
