Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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