yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
