you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
