So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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