After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
