Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
