I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
