i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
