I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My balls are so social today.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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