is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
