How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
