My room smells like vodka and shame
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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