And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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