I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
