Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize