It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this beer tastes like vomit already
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
