girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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