I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found puke in my bra..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
